another dream

Day 3.

different night, same person.

three nights in a row. 

what the hell is going on with me?

Oh God, please. Give me some hint.

Who are you?

What you have done to me?

dream

again,

different night. same person. 

why did i dreamed about him again? 

so awkward. so weird. 

she

she's crying to her sleep. she's been holding the tears. but she can't. it was impossible to not crying when she misses her family. she misses her self. her old self. she's been wanting that life again. she wants that life again. but she didn't want to re-build that life. she asked God. what if. again. again. again. she keep making mistakes. she's not strong enough. she's tired. she doesn't have any energy left to fight again. cos she keep losing. she'll keep losing. she's a loser.

Mistake

I've made a mistake. 

No, it's not you. it's me. 

I've made a huge mistake. 

I was hoping for something.

I've forgotten.

A miracle would remain as a miracle.

A fairytale does not exist.

It'll never turn out into reality.

I've made a mistake.

A huge mistake.

Different

It is not easy to be me. 

I'm talking about how one should respect another despite their education background/family background/history and etc. sebenarnya i lost my self confidence long time ago. 

I am different. my family is different. my education background is different. my history is different. terlalu banyak kekurangan aku. terlalu banyak yang terjadi dalam hidup aku menyebabkan aku lain dari yang lain. 

Bila aku tengok orang lain. yang surfacenya mungkin lebih kurang dengan aku, but at least they have something that is normal. maybe their education is good. or the least i can say, their body is still beautiful. but me? 

Bila aku fall in love dengan seseorang, dan aku tengok betapa normalnya kehidupan dia, aku jadi sedih. because, i might be pushed away because of all the differences i had. i learnt how to not put hope on him. i am ready to be disappoint. it makes me sad. really. i'm not trying to put the blame on God. there must be something good for me afterlife kan? i hope so. 

UNKNOWN

Shh...

It is not like she wanted to feel that way. She knows that she'll never, never, ever found someone like him.

Shh...

The secret.
She will never, never, never, ever tell anyone about it. She feels a lil bit excited on how she feels right now. It has been a while. You know, sometimes you'll need to turn it upside down for a moment in order for you to know what's going on down there. She's doing it. She's doing it, right now.

She knows it. She'll never get what she wants because she knows the one that she wants is not for her. She is not for him. She is not for... him. She is not for everyone.

Shh...

She looks up on the mirror. She knows that she has a good looking, and maybe beautiful smile. She looks in her own self. She's not as good as she wanted it to be. She's all cocked up. She is different. Different from him, different from him, different from her or maybe her. She's different from anybody else.

She loves herself tho.
**smirk

Imaginasi

*termenung*

Bintang itu nampak diam. 

Jauh. Jauh sekali. 

Meski aku nampak macam nyata. 

Imaginasi yang jauh ke dalam

Kadang-kadang, dalam cerita aku reka sendiri,

Jasad ini bisa hidup tanpa roh. 

Manusia bisa bernafas tanpa oksigen.

Ah, imaginasi lagi.

Mana mungkin langit dan bumi bertemu.

Mereka hanya mampu lihat dari jauh. 

Nak gapai, tapi tak tercapai.

Jauh lagi nampaknya perjalanan aku. 

Tak tahu lah kalau kalau, separuh jalan Tuhan beri aku rehat.

P/s: unknown, terus mekar ya. Suatu masa nanti, aku hilangkan kau dari cerita aku