Siaran Tertunda

Aku sebenarnya tadi tengah nak update blog untuk trip aku 5 hari 4 malam di Perak ni. Aku dah menaip sebanyak 3 atau 4 perenggan. Berlagak, pakai bahasa inggeris. Lama lama aku rasa macam makin bosan. Penyusunan ayat aku tak pelbagai dan tatabahasa aku bersepah.

Jadi, kemungkinan besar aku akan padam balik dan mula menaip dalam bahasa melayu. celaka dipan. dah tak reti berbahasa inggeris tu belajor lah dulu. jangan berlagak. kan dah kena buat 2 kerja.

Ah, malam karang je la aku sambung buat blog. Letih lah. Aku nak focus sale ni.


xoxo,
dipan.

Sabar

Sabarlah, wahai hati

Esok lusa nanti, kau pulih lah, ya?

Malaikat

Aku fikir aku sudah penat.

Aku fikir aku sudah mampu tutup sebelah mata.

Pernah aku terlintas, jangan-jangan kau adalah malaikat yang diturunkan ke dunia untuk menanam benih cinta dalam aku yang semakin hilang rasa percaya?

Atau kau seperti karaktor dalam wayang gambar yang begitu mudah menyambung kembali hati si wanita yang sudah berkecai dek cinta yang lama?

Tapi, fikirku, kalau kau adalah persinggahan yang terjadinya untuk seketika, hanya kerana sayapku patah dan lelah mahu teruskan perjalanan ini, ya, aku terima. 

Payah untuk aku menyangkal, wujudnya kamu yang begitu indah.

Someday, somewhere.

Oh star,

I'll stop dreaming

I'll stop thinking

But,

Not for now.

Your existance is kinda new thing for me.

Really,

Miracle would never happen.

I didn't put any hope on it.

It is not a bad timing. 

It happens that --

You're not fated to be with me. 

You're not created to complete me.

You're not for me.

I know, someday I'll be gone, or maybe you?

I know.

I'm just enjoying the moment, the view of you,

I'm writing my own fairytale and hoping it'll become reality.

But it will never happen.

I know.

You asked me, "where am I going?"

I answered, "somewhere"

Yes. Somewhere. 

This place doesn't belongs to me.

Bintang.

Aku fikir bintang itu kerlipnya hanya sebentar.
Tapi hingga ke saat ini bintang yang jauh itu sinarnya mampu bikin aku senyum dan tertawa.

Mengeluh kali ke yang berapa juta, aku tak pasti.

Rasa yang dulunya hanya dipermukaan cetek, makin jatuh, tenggelam menuju ke dasar.

I still couldn't resist.

Berilah alasan yang bermacam.
Letih aku menidakkan. Jawapannya tetap iya.


Walau kadang kadang aku rasa takut. Tapi aku rasa, aku selesa.









Kalau kau pilih untuk tinggal disini, aku benarkan.
Kalau kau pilih untuk pergi dari aku, aku juga benarkan.
Aku sudah bilang, kau adalah pengecualian.

Just go.

After 1 year. I think more than a year. You came back. Telling you're sorry. You seek for forgiveness. How dare you?

I was okay. I was all okay. I'm moving on. I'm following my own path. You were not there. You left me, you blocked me on whatsapp, you blocked me on facebook. You said you wanted a new life. And yes, i let you go. You are my worst nightmare.

All this while, how I wish we don't know each other. How I wish you're not exist.

I was all okay. I fell down, I got up again. On my own. And you came back asking for forgiveness? Do you think I'm that easy?

Kau tahu tak betapa sakitnya aku bila kau call aku, tanya khabar aku? Who do you think you are?

I'm sorry, I still couldn't forgive you. And I won't forget what you've done to me.

Just go. Disappear.

Memories Won't Fade. Face it.

Memories.

They were once hurt me so bad that I can't even feel myself awake. I was once living in the memories.

We've created thousand of memories, the good and the bad ones. No matter how hard I've tried to run away from those memories, they kept hunting me. If suddenly any of those memories popped out, I'll be crying while searching for some sad songs in my playlist.

Logically,

If you do not have the guts to tell anyone about how sweet or how painful your memories were, you're still living in his/her shadow. If you're already moved on, you'll be able to talk about all that to anyone, it'll be like an experience and you've gained something from it and you'll be laughing to your own stories.

It is not easy. Yea, I know. I've been there, done that. But, you have to be as realistic as you can. If you're afraid to listen to the love songs that you used to listen with him/her, be brave! Just go for it. If you feel pain, then cry. Don't keep it to yourself. It'll harm you, I swear.

I promise you, if you just go with it, do the same thing that you used to do together with 'em, you'll feel nothing, and you'll become numb and at you'll start to be realistic again. Sooner, or later.

Do not, run away from them. They'll chase you out. Be brave, face it.




As for me, I'm still living in my late son's memories. But that's a different story.



If you read this, know that, I'll be there for you when you need me, my friend :)