That Eyes

Oh my,

How can I resist such beautiful creature in front of me?

It shines better than I thought it would be. 

Oh my,

I couldn't feel myself. 

I melted away.

I thought I was sober,

But I was so drunk by the look from the eyes.

I'm longing for something I would never get even in my next life.

Oh my,

What should I do?

Numb

I have become so numb. I feel lonely. But the weird thing is, i like it numb, i like it lonely, i like it i feel alone. I like it when my world is dark but music shine on it. I feel like i have falling in love with this loneliness.

Crazy!

I thought I've put an end on my own story. 

I guess not.

I couldn't get over you. I just couldn't erase you from this story, yet. 

You're an addiction. Your character is everything. 

God, this is crazy. 

Don't tell me I've falling in love with some stranger in my dreams, that I don't even know who.

It is really weird.

Crazy. really.

Goodbye, my imaginary lover

Day 6,

You're not in my dream anymore.

I told you to go away. I told myself to let this go.

I'll cherish you, I'll cherish our memory. I'll cherish my dreams.

Six days, ended.

Living Alone

Tadi ternampak satu post dekat fesbuk. Post yang menarik. Pasal living alone.

I would 100% agree that living alone is the best thing could happen in ones life! How I really wish I could live alone, in a small and simple apartment, or maybe a studio apartment, where all of your stuff will be right in front of your eyes.

Living alone is not boring, Some would say "Weh, tak ada life ke? Mesti life kau boring" No, it isn't. It is cool to live alone that no one really cares bila kau malas basuh pinggan lepas makan or you can walking around your house naked. haha!

I wish I could get my own personal space soon.

Tunggu lah gaji aku RM6000 then I would definitely live alone. Bukan tak suka duduk dengan orang but for those yang kenal aku, I like to be alone. And I will be alone most of the time during my off day if my bf tak ajak keluar. and oh, i like go out alone too!

Dulu masa kolej duduk dekat bukit bintang tu sorang. sambil dengar musik dan baca buku dan tengok gelagat orang. Sejak bukit bintang tu dah tak ada, aku duduk KLCC depan air pancut tu, sambil dengar lagu, sambil baca buku.

Kadang kadang aku rasa aku tengah bercinta dengan diri sendiri. Tapi itulah, setiap kali aku keluar seorang atau duduk seorang, akan timbul satu perasaan baru dalam diri aku. Dan selalunya, bila aku keluar sorang untuk buat train ride atau duduk dekat KLCC tu, aku akan pelajari sesuatu yang baru. Hanya dengan melihat gelagat orang, dan cuba huraikan sesuatu tindakan tu dari setiap sudut dan sudut yang berbeza.

Jenis suka overthinking.

Keep Dreaming

Could you please let us remain like this. I couldn't ask for more. I wanna keep dreaming. About you and me.

I'll left one room, an empty room just for you to fill it up with your smiles and laughters that I want you to make. Cos your happiness makes me happy. I want you to be the reason of my joy.

Let us just stay like this. In this dream. Cos you're all mine in my own world.

again, another dream

It was still you in my dream.

Four days in a row. And now I'm getting used to it. I feel like you're really mine in my dream. I am not really sure what was going on in that dream but it was beautiful.

Beautiful enough for me to put on some smile once I opened my eyes.

No, I don't want it to be real. Because reality hurts. Just remain like this, as my imaginary lover.

I couldn't wait to fall asleep, really. So I could see you again. Well, I hope so.

Feel me.

Oh well, i've been updating my blog on a daily basis right now. Is it a sign that I should start to write again?

Maybe because lately my feelings are all mixed up. I feel good. This mixed up feelings would actually help me a lot and give me ideas as well.

I feel me again. Complex, complicated, full of emotions and living in both dream and reality.

I feel me. I feel me.

Imaginary Lover

They said,

"You always get what you've wanted."

I said,

"No. I don't always get what I've always wanted. But in my dreams, they're all mine. I choose to hold them in my dream. I choose to like them, to love them, to kiss them, to touch them in my dreams. They're mine in my own world."

I don't know who you are in my dreams. But I think I like you, my imaginary lover.




The saddest truth is realising you have fallen madly in love with what can never be.

- Michael Faudet

She's Meowning

**listening to: Big Bang - Last Dance**

Love,

I will walk on this path alone now.

Please don't follow me. Let me go.

I'd rather fall alone than drag you down to this hell.

I'm dying. I feel nothing but the pain I had long, long time ago.

Way before God sent you to me.


Love,

You are wonderful.

You are amazing.

Typical me, you'll find a diamond 'cos I'm a glass. A shattered ones.

The one that will lead you to bleed.



No, Love.

Please go.

another dream

Day 3.

different night, same person.

three nights in a row. 

what the hell is going on with me?

Oh God, please. Give me some hint.

Who are you?

What you have done to me?

dream

again,

different night. same person. 

why did i dreamed about him again? 

so awkward. so weird. 

she

she's crying to her sleep. she's been holding the tears. but she can't. it was impossible to not crying when she misses her family. she misses her self. her old self. she's been wanting that life again. she wants that life again. but she didn't want to re-build that life. she asked God. what if. again. again. again. she keep making mistakes. she's not strong enough. she's tired. she doesn't have any energy left to fight again. cos she keep losing. she'll keep losing. she's a loser.

Mistake

I've made a mistake. 

No, it's not you. it's me. 

I've made a huge mistake. 

I was hoping for something.

I've forgotten.

A miracle would remain as a miracle.

A fairytale does not exist.

It'll never turn out into reality.

I've made a mistake.

A huge mistake.

Different

It is not easy to be me. 

I'm talking about how one should respect another despite their education background/family background/history and etc. sebenarnya i lost my self confidence long time ago. 

I am different. my family is different. my education background is different. my history is different. terlalu banyak kekurangan aku. terlalu banyak yang terjadi dalam hidup aku menyebabkan aku lain dari yang lain. 

Bila aku tengok orang lain. yang surfacenya mungkin lebih kurang dengan aku, but at least they have something that is normal. maybe their education is good. or the least i can say, their body is still beautiful. but me? 

Bila aku fall in love dengan seseorang, dan aku tengok betapa normalnya kehidupan dia, aku jadi sedih. because, i might be pushed away because of all the differences i had. i learnt how to not put hope on him. i am ready to be disappoint. it makes me sad. really. i'm not trying to put the blame on God. there must be something good for me afterlife kan? i hope so. 

UNKNOWN

Shh...

It is not like she wanted to feel that way. She knows that she'll never, never, ever found someone like him.

Shh...

The secret.
She will never, never, never, ever tell anyone about it. She feels a lil bit excited on how she feels right now. It has been a while. You know, sometimes you'll need to turn it upside down for a moment in order for you to know what's going on down there. She's doing it. She's doing it, right now.

She knows it. She'll never get what she wants because she knows the one that she wants is not for her. She is not for him. She is not for... him. She is not for everyone.

Shh...

She looks up on the mirror. She knows that she has a good looking, and maybe beautiful smile. She looks in her own self. She's not as good as she wanted it to be. She's all cocked up. She is different. Different from him, different from him, different from her or maybe her. She's different from anybody else.

She loves herself tho.
**smirk

Imaginasi

*termenung*

Bintang itu nampak diam. 

Jauh. Jauh sekali. 

Meski aku nampak macam nyata. 

Imaginasi yang jauh ke dalam

Kadang-kadang, dalam cerita aku reka sendiri,

Jasad ini bisa hidup tanpa roh. 

Manusia bisa bernafas tanpa oksigen.

Ah, imaginasi lagi.

Mana mungkin langit dan bumi bertemu.

Mereka hanya mampu lihat dari jauh. 

Nak gapai, tapi tak tercapai.

Jauh lagi nampaknya perjalanan aku. 

Tak tahu lah kalau kalau, separuh jalan Tuhan beri aku rehat.

P/s: unknown, terus mekar ya. Suatu masa nanti, aku hilangkan kau dari cerita aku