Just go.

After 1 year. I think more than a year. You came back. Telling you're sorry. You seek for forgiveness. How dare you?

I was okay. I was all okay. I'm moving on. I'm following my own path. You were not there. You left me, you blocked me on whatsapp, you blocked me on facebook. You said you wanted a new life. And yes, i let you go. You are my worst nightmare.

All this while, how I wish we don't know each other. How I wish you're not exist.

I was all okay. I fell down, I got up again. On my own. And you came back asking for forgiveness? Do you think I'm that easy?

Kau tahu tak betapa sakitnya aku bila kau call aku, tanya khabar aku? Who do you think you are?

I'm sorry, I still couldn't forgive you. And I won't forget what you've done to me.

Just go. Disappear.

Memories Won't Fade. Face it.

Memories.

They were once hurt me so bad that I can't even feel myself awake. I was once living in the memories.

We've created thousand of memories, the good and the bad ones. No matter how hard I've tried to run away from those memories, they kept hunting me. If suddenly any of those memories popped out, I'll be crying while searching for some sad songs in my playlist.

Logically,

If you do not have the guts to tell anyone about how sweet or how painful your memories were, you're still living in his/her shadow. If you're already moved on, you'll be able to talk about all that to anyone, it'll be like an experience and you've gained something from it and you'll be laughing to your own stories.

It is not easy. Yea, I know. I've been there, done that. But, you have to be as realistic as you can. If you're afraid to listen to the love songs that you used to listen with him/her, be brave! Just go for it. If you feel pain, then cry. Don't keep it to yourself. It'll harm you, I swear.

I promise you, if you just go with it, do the same thing that you used to do together with 'em, you'll feel nothing, and you'll become numb and at you'll start to be realistic again. Sooner, or later.

Do not, run away from them. They'll chase you out. Be brave, face it.




As for me, I'm still living in my late son's memories. But that's a different story.



If you read this, know that, I'll be there for you when you need me, my friend :)

Ummar Haqq

Tak sangka, dah tiga tahun dah umur anak mummy, Ummar Haqq.

Kalau Ummar ada, mesti dah pandai berlari dan petah bercakap. Mummy dapat bayangkan, sifat Ummar yang matang dan berani. Happy go lucky dan suka senyum. Mungkin Ummar seorang yang kreatif dan bijak.

Ummar, anak mummy. Satu-satunya anak mummy. Kurniaan Allah pada mummy. Walaupun 10 hari je mummy tengok awak sayang, cinta mummy pada awak tak pernah berkurang. Rindu mummy pada Ummar tak pernah sikit pun berkurang.

Mummy rindu.. berat sangat dada mummy. Mummy terlalu rindukan Ummar..

Ya Allah.. izinkan lah aku jumpa dengan Ummar walau sekejap dalam mimpiku.. aku sangat rindukan Ummar Haqq ya Allah.

Mistakes

Sayang,

Maaf kerna aku tak sempurna
Maaf kerna aku memilih untuk tidak mencinta
Maaf kerna aku jadi lupa
Maaf atas semuanya sayang.

You could be the best person in my life. I couldn't ask for more. But the thing is, it is me who are stupid. I love you. You know that. I love you so, so much. Maybe it sounds cliche but, you really deserve someone better.

As for me,
I don't deserve to be in any relationship
I don't deserve to be loved
I don't see myself wanting any commitment yet.

I should've stop this one year ago.
I'm sorry sayang..

Apologies would never make things go easy on you but, still, i apologize for being like a fool. You are the best sayang. I swear to God. You are the best.

In Shaa Allah, kalau jodoh kita panjang, kita jumpa lagi.

I love you.
I will always do.

Gila

Gila.

Gila semuanya

Aku gilakan mata kamu
Aku gilakan bau kamu
Aku gilakan senyuman kamu

Ah,
Aku tergila-gilakan kamu



That feeling when you wanted to hug a person so much and then you realize that that person ain't yours.

Will you allow me to do so?

Trapped

At first it was all beautiful

But. it has become a burden.

....

Could you just stop appearing in my dreams?
I keep missing you.

I have no power to stop you from entering the world I created by myself.

It was my fault to let you in, in the first place. And you have become an addiction..

I caught myself for wanting more. The fact that I'm the one who always wanted it to be happen. I mean, the dream... and all.

I want more.

I want.... more than just a dream.

....

I think I'm trapped in my own world.

....

But I can't deny your eyes.

....

I can't deny your existence.

I just can't

You're too beautiful.. So damn beautiful.